Database Downtime: How to Go from DBA to Struggling Street Magician in 22 Minutes

Nothing will give you the stress sweats like database downtime. You get that call, those dreaded words, “Hey, uh, your database is down.” And Dwayne-The-Rock-Johnson’s-fanny-pack-stuffed-with-charcuterie do you want to shriek, “You shut your mouth, Chad from Support!”

But Chadwig’s just being supportive.

It’s what he does. And verbally abusing coworkers when your job is on the line is rarely an Idea Supreme. So you shut your piehole, silence your naysayer-y and resist the urge to head-butt your monitor.

Nothing to see here.

Unless you count the silent terror of a DBA hyperventilating whilst scanning his brain for backup career options. Your frontal cortex explodes with the horrifying job offers you’d be lucky to receive if you don’t get that mission-critical database back online – pronto-neous.

You remember the scrolling list from that old Sally Struthers International Correspondence School commercial, somehow mixed with Bachelor-contestant occupations. It rolls through your mind like the opening crawl text in Star Wars:

  • TV/VCR Repair Technician
  • Pantsepreneur
  • Animal Care Specialist
  • Professional Hook-hand Sharpener
  • Tear-free Shampoo Focus-group Participant and Subsequent Cyclopes
  • Falconer
  • Zumba-video Background Dancer
  • Rat Catcher
  • Struggling Street Magician
  • Shepherd

You’re not even making sense! *Slaps self across face!*

At least two out of 73 of these are not viable career paths, given your lack of access to sheep or a falconer glove alone! Your supple wrist skin can’t handle talons. Sally Struthers had no idea what she was talking about! Which is shocking, considering she was SALLY STRUTHERS! Only the best perm aficionado and 1970’s sitcom star to ever give the world the career advice it so desperately needed!

Get it together. You got this.

You know why? Because you have a nebulous recollection of what could have prevented this. And a time machine. Which is necessary not only to understand the previous three paragraphs, but also to avoid your current situation. So hop in.

Because you’re taking a trip to data replication town, my friend.

What’s that? Oh, it’s just a pretty little land where DBAs avoid stress-induced baldness and premature career loss.

Get out. We’re here.

I know that was fast. It’s a time machine. It’s magical. That’s the whole point. Now get a gander at this impressive trick: Turns out, you can avoid downtime altogether. All you need, besides your DeLorean, is a little SharePlex® in your life. With SharePlex, you can replicate and integrate data in near real time, ensure data accuracy in flight, offload reporting and implement load balancing to improve database performance – you can even use failover technology to switch users to a secondary system. Stage whisper: Maaaagical! Oh, you bet your app it’s magical!

SharePlex is the David Blaine of data replication.

Want your data in the cloud? Done. Data in a cube of ice? Frozen. Data levitating before a crowd of confused tourists on a Las Vegas sidewalk? Not done! Because there’s no lag time. Nothing’s suspended in purgatory with SharePlex. It goes from source to target lickety split, mi amigo. Your target es su target. It’ll even build your target for you.

Get your data – and your career – to a better place.

Because guess what: There’s no such thing as “pretty good” database availability. Even 99.95 percent high availability equals nearly 22 agonizing minutes of downtime. And you can lose a lot in 22 minutes: cash money, your job, your dignity when you realize you’ll have to become a human sushi tray for a living. No one wants a job that requires them to loofah eel sauce out of their chest hair at night. Least of all you. Because you’re a database administrator. And you will administer those databases back online like the hero you are!

You’ll even achieve the five 9’s of database high availability if SharePlex has anything to say about it.

Mm hm. You can easily maintain 99.999 percent high availability with SharePlex. That means zero downtime. Zero data loss. Zero risk of one of those crusty orange fish eggs rolling into your bellybutton canal. Because Lord knows when Daddy cut your umbilical cord he had better things in mind for you than being a plate.

You deserve to be more than a plate. 

Or a struggling street magician. Or a sheepless shepherd. Or even a frustrated DBA. With SharePlex, you can avoid being all those things and more! *Fancy hand flourish*

Downtime is stressful.

But you’re not alone. In fact, the results of a recent DBTA survey prove it. Downtime is the number one concern among DBAs. Why is it causing so much stress and how are your peers coping? Find out in this short infographic or read the full report.  

Check it out

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