If I earned a buck every time a DBA got blamed for performance issues their databases didn’t cause, I could hit the dollar value menu so hard I’d need my own episode of “My 600-lb Life.” Sadly, no one’s paying me in McChickens. But it’s cool. Because today, my fellow DBAs, we’re flippin’ the script on the blame game!
Happy international Blame Someone Else (BSE) Day to us.
What exactly is BSE day and how do we celebrate? As you might imagine, this holiday originated among politicians. Most likely when George Washington accused Sam Adams of brewing beer in the oval office bathroom instead of powdering the prezie’s man bun.
Or founding things or whatnot
In reality, it was old Georgie’s way of deflecting his secret penchant for hop-related hobbies. When historians discovered the truth about what went down on that first, fateful Friday the 13th of 1790, BSE day was born.* *Disclaimer: I blame Wikipedia for any inaccuracies in this history lesson, of which there are obviously zero. Now that you (totally don’t) know where this holiday came from, here’s where we’re taking it.
Straight to the desks of work nemeses everywhere
Aw, yeeeeah. Hey, guy who insinuated my database was the reason your app crashed. Guess what? Foglight® is proving you wrong! Boom! BSE day in your face! It’s raining BSE piñata shrapnel! Because the BSE fiesta is on and poppin’! Blame-infused flan, anyone?
Hang on. Pause the mariachi music.
Si, let’s back up a minute. To properly celebrate, you must first download your free, 30-day trial of Foglight. Then, and only then, can you prove when performance issues weren’t your fault. And, of course, thrust the blame right squarely back where it belongs. Which is not on you. Mm mm. It’s time for someone else in your office to pull a Steve Urkel: “Um, did I do that?” *Pushes glasses up nose and adjusts accordion.* (Relevant, modern-reference alert!) Yes, yes you did, work Urkel. Wurkle. We, the DBAs, did not.
Mature and effective.
How else does Foglight bring the Party City fun to BSE day? Glad you asked. With Foglight, you can view enterprise-level performance at a glance. You can easily identify servers and resource areas where performance degradation originates. You can diagnose and resolve issues quickly with drilldowns and built-in expert advice. You can even automate performance metric analysis and responses for fast issue resolution.
Looks like you’re never getting blamed again.
You deserve a free, 30-day trial of Foglight. And a McChicken. Let’s hook you up with Foglight first. Get it up and running real quick. Then, get yourself a little snack. That’s right. You can take a break. Because Foglight has your back, tracking performance around the clock to ensure you won’t take the heat for issues your databases didn’t cause. Go ahead. Open your BSE day gift from us.