The average DBA, managing a cross-platform database environment. Does this even SEEM like a good idea? Hmmm?

On a scale of one to “Bird Box,” how stressful is cross-platform database management? Uh, yeah. It’s full-blown soccer-mom-in-a-pink-sweatsuit-smashing-her-head-against-a-hospital-window stressful! It’s devil-eyed-drivers-running-red-lights-at-Sandra-Bullock’s-face stressful! It’s managing-a-double-birthing-suite-in-a-creepy-house-with-a-mental-hospital-escapee-lurking-about-with-his-murdery-googly-eyes-and-a-pair-of-Fiskers-all-up-in-YOUR-BIZ stressful!

Oof! This scene! Goose bumps all over my BOD! Look at that, he’s doodling pics of your database performance problems. Scaaaaary! Doesn’t he look like a creepy Paul Giamatti here? Creepy by the billion!

“Boy. Girl. I need to talk to you about the rapids.”

Even on your mellower days as a DBA, when you feel like you’re finally staying afloat, you still need maximum database visibility. In fact, you need it more than ever. Because guess what’s about to pop up and scare the bejeeze outta you. Danger. That’s what. You didn’t even know Larry the Cable Guy, Murder Edition, was fly fishing in your vicinity because you had no visibility. Now you’re all reactive, smashing him with an oar, when you could’ve just avoided him in the first place. And, obviously, by “Larry” I mean “database performance problems.” Obviously. See? Sometimes you think something’s no big deal. You’re like…

“It’s just a speed bump. It’s just a speed bump.”

But it’s not a speed bump, is it? It’s not the kind of problem you should just ker-thump over and forget about. Because what if it’s… a human problem? Like, a problem that’ll affect other humans? You know, your users, and then, in turn, yourself when you have to deal with their whining and complaining about how nothing’s working. Pshha! Users. Well, guess what. Like the dude in the backseat who really knows what’s going on, Foglight® will tell you. Foglight’ll be all, “Hey, bro. You just ran over a human.” Metaphorically.

Wait, what’s Foglight?

Foglight is the magical bird box, warning you of danger, guiding you to safety. Foglight is your extra pair of eyes, monitoring every single database platform in your environment. Foglight would never just cover all the windows and the windshield. This isn’t an Enterprise rent-a-car commercial!

What is happening in this commercial? Has anyone else seen this? Stop driving around with your car cover on, Enterprise! SAFETY FIRST!

“You let a stranger into the house?! Are you a simpleton?!”

Ah, my favorite quote of my new favorite cinematic fiasco. I love that crotchety, old guy. Because he was right! Skinny Paul Giamatti was an emerging issue! He should have been dealt with proactively! And with Foglight, you bet your app, he would’ve been.

Foglight: Solace for the blind

Hurry! Get in here! Shut the door! Behold, you have entered the Foglight School for the Blind. Stroll with me. Enter our glorious courtyard. Watch out for that OB-GYN. Not sure why she’s here now, but glad you’re safe, Doc. And you’re safe now, too, friend. The wind monster can’t make you “Fight Club” yourself in the head here. *Whispers* You’re welcome. Mm hm, I know I said Foglight was the bird box but now it’s the school for the blind – keep up! And hang on to your Adderall because we’re about to switch gears again.

Let’s recap.

Without Foglight, you have no visibility. The risk is high. Life is stressful. You don’t know what’s happening anywhere. All you can do is try to react. And it’s usually too late. With Foglight, you know what’s coming at you. You can avoid problems. You’re aware of everything that’s happening all around at every moment. Across every database. On premises. And in the cloud.

More ways to stop managing database performance like a character in “Bird Box”

Check out this free white paper to discover key methods to manage cross-platform database performance. With these expert tips, you’ll spend less time dealing with work issues and more time enjoying Netflix.

Take Off the Blindfold

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